Rants of the mentally Incapable
by Inuismyhomeboi
Summary: what happens when Shigure, Ayame and Hatori get blitzed? Read to find out! Me and my bud wrote this while on a caffine high at 3 in the morning. Please enjoy! Rated T for alchohol usage.


Hey all, im back and this time with a partner! Me and her decided to make this crazy story

so bear with us. And give her credit for most of the dialouge in the beginning ( im responsible

for the drunk rantings Oo) So hereeee we go! Hope you enjoy!

Rants of the Mentally Incapable

By: Kiralle and Ari-chan

**Disclaimer: We dont own fruits basket!..or Hibachis... Unnnfortunately, we all know **

**this, so just roll your eyes and keep reading, thats what i do --**

"Tohruuu! where's dinner! Im starving!'' Shigure said looking over to Tohru, Who was

heading for the door.

''Uh...did you forget Shigure? Kyo and I are going out tonight, as are Yuki and Mokoto...''

Tohru said facing the confused man.

''Oh...Really O.K. then...fine I guess I won't get to enjoy any of your delicious home

cooking, leftovers again eh?''

clasping her hands behind her back she replied''You could always order out!''

Shigure sighed and nodded''Right, and it will all go to my thighs! ruining my delicate figure!''

he said mock crying

''Well...on second thought, going out would'nt be so bad, Mii will be over later and I'd hate

to make her job any easier!''

Tohru nodded and left Kyo in tow. Walking into the kitchen and digging through a box of

vanilla waffers he pulled out his wallet and

sighed realizing there was nothing in it but a few cobwebs.

''Time to mooch off rich relatives!'' he sang throwing his wallet in a container of sugar. After

calling Ayame and begging for a meal he grabbed his coat and headed out to meet him at the

restaraunt.

**At the restaraunt**

Shigure sat down with Ayame and Hatori..who was invited by Ayame, and begane to flip

through the large Hibachi's menu. After placing their orders, the waiter brought some green

tea. Just as Shigure was about to take a sip, an insistant tugging could be felt at his kimono

sleve.

''Shiiiiguuureee...IIIII found you!'' a low voice said from behind him

''AHA! Mii what are you doing here? More importantly How did you find me!'' he said

shocked. Mii grinned evilly and replied

''I know where you are every second of every minute of EVERY DAY'' Mii said

sardonically.

'' Thats just scary! But even scarier is your uncanny ability to sneak up on me!''

''Sooo...tell me to what do we owe the pleasure of your company tonight Mii ?'' Shigure

asked with a plastered smile on his face.

''Youuu seem to have conviniently forgotten that you...HAVE..A...DEADLINE! in 20

minutes 600 pages Shigure! NOT SIX!" she screamed Shigure nodded and looked up.

''Yes of course I'll get right on that, but fist would you be a doll and hold up this sign to get

our waiters attention?'' he asked cunningly.

''Uhh..sure?'' she said confused holding up the sign, She quickly realized people were

laughing.Reading the sign in her hands her face reddened as she noticed the large red arrow

pointing down below the words 'HAHA IM A DORK' Shigure laughed and stood up.

'' Aha ooh Mii your such a good sport!'' he said as he ran off.

_time skip_

After buying insane amounts of beer, the three stepped into the house and began to open

their first few. 15 minutes later bottles lay askew leading from the kitchen to the hallway. The

three men hopelessly drunk on the couch.

"I wish i had an Emu" Shigure blurted out randomly. Hatori looked at him with a concerned

look and shook his head.

"Noooo...you could get Philanthriphobia, the fear of baking cakes, from owning said

Emu...Also...you could get sand in your ears and go COMPLETELY BLIND! From

sticking your head in the ground too much!' He siad wagging his finger.

"Umm Hatori...i believe your thinking of ostriches!" Shigure said. Butting into the

conversation, Ayame blurted out:

"Noooooo Your thinking of snow monkeys, i should know, ive dated several." He said

proudly.

"Anyways" Shigure started. "What about ham? Can you get diseases from owning a ham?"

He asked. Hatori shrugged and took another swig of beer. Hearing someone at the door,

Shigure stood and began to walk before tripping over the coffee table.

" Okay Shigure?" Ayame mused.

"Oh yes, Quite. My head broke the fall" he said opening the door to a man wearing a black

ski mask and carrying a black duffel bag.

"WELCOME TO THE SOHMA HOUUSEE!" He said taking the strangers hands.

"Do come in. Have a few drinks! We've had plenty but theres Mooorreee!" He sang pulling

him into the room.

Welcoming the man into his home, Shigure handed him a beer and began to sing an old

folklore song about ham and cheese sandwiches dancing around telephone poles.

The night carried on with drunk rantings and conga lines usually started by Mizuho...the

burgular bent om stealing potato wedges.

When Kyo and Tohru walked through the door, the four men were dancing the horra and

singins 'ava nagiva ava nagiva avana havana' repeating themselves like a broken record. Kyo

looked at them awkwardly and screamed:

"What are you _doing_! You're not even JEWISH!"

**ok well thaat was fun! Ari-chan made up most of the text, i just type and smile **

**absentmindedly. But the drunk rantings are mine. So meh! Hope you liked this! **

**Read and ****review please!**

**Till Next Time!**

**Ja Ne!**


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